Catechism

Sometimes, one of the ways we know we are growing or changing is by taking on challenges which scare us. For example, yesterday I took my boys to the Utah State Fair. After perusing the animal barns and the vendor booths, I let my boys go to the midway. The whole time we were there all they could talk about were which rides they were going to ride. So, when they were allowed to ride the rides they ran to the line of the scariest "thrill ride." Interestingly enough, as it came time to get on the ride, I could see that fear and anxiety were becoming an issue. True to their personalities they accepted or deferred the challenge of getting on the ride. My oldest, who is more cautious and more fearful backed out, just as it was time to hand over his tickets and get on the ride. He sheepishly walked back toward me and began to cry, because he was humiliated he was not brave enough. My middle son, who is my daredevil, got on, but he was not going to sit by his brother's. He was going to prove to everybody he was brave and could conquer any challenge on his own. My youngest son who, unwittingly, was duped by his brother's ended up on the ride sitting all by himself. I could tell by the look on his face that he was scared to death. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly as I realized his predicament. Then I worried if he wold tolerate the ride not having the encouragement of his brother's to remain brave, despite being scared to death. The ride started and I could see my youngest hanging on for dear life with pure terror on his face. Too scared to move, he just clung to the bar for dear life. My middle son was whooping and hollering having the time of his life and loving the independence of his bravery. When the ride was over and they disembarked the ride, my middle son was full of excitement and gave us a second by second reenactment of the ride. My youngest son, walked to me and very stoically informed me that the ride was very scary and he never wanted to ride it again. He didn't cry as I predicted. I was amazed how mature he was being about it. I had anticipated him to cry as soon as he got to me. He didn't. I was impressed how grown up he was about it and then had pangs of sorrow, my baby didn't need me, as much as I thought. He is growing up.

So, it is the same with our faith formation. I have been taking on newer tasks and responsibilities in regards to my faith formation and the faith formation of my children. And each time I take on a new aspect of my faith formation, I am riddled with anxiety. I turn to Christ and tell Him I am scared and like a parent he comforts me. I know I must mature and grow in my relationship with God. As I grow, my anxieties will decrease, and I will turn to Christ and tell Him that this is the scariest thing I have ever done but I will not cry. And unlike me, He won't cry that I don't need Him as much, because my need for Him will endure. I will simply change in how I need Him. Just as my son's need for me will endure, his need for me merely change.

My newest challenge is the reading of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. This is a document over 900 pages long and probes every aspect of Catholicism. No easy task. I have decided I need to do this to help me understand why I believe what I believe and also to teach my children. I am drawn to the Papal Encyclicals and writings from the scholars of the Church. In drawing closer to God, I need to know more about God. I realize this is a daunting task, but I am compelled to move forward with this task. I pray God will give me insight and endurance as I delve deeper into the mysteries of faith and then give me the ability to teach my children and others about what I have learned. To let the world know about God's intense and intimate love for each and everyone of us. I know God has a love for all of humankind and He desires all people to seek Him and grow in their love for Him.

This where I stand today. As I stare at this book in front of me. I am intimidated by it, yet intrigued to find out how I will find God's immense grace for me. I am moved to tears to think anyone could love such a broken and sinful person as me. This little person I am, being called by God to move toward a more personal relationship with the One who is the Great I am. My desire for God is written in my heart and the truth and happiness I seek can only be found in God. I just want to mover ever closer to the heart of my God. He calls and I must follow. How much scarier can that be!

May the blessings of God be upon you all,

In the loving arms of Christ and the Father,

Agape,

Abigail