Prayer for the day

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Who am I?

Who am I?
Am I a child of this world or am I a child of God?
Who am I?
I know not.

I live in this world surrounded by my ambition, selfishness and greed, and I am seduced by it all. My appetite insatiable. I am in love with this world and this world becomes my lover and seducer. I fall deeper into the arms of my seducer. I turn back and see Him. He holds His arms out to me. I smile, laugh and turn away from Him and turn back towards my destruction. My lover is charming and cunning. I am swept away by my lover as he whispers empty promises in my ear and fills my heart with lust and desire. Everything is shiny and glitters. It is empty and leaves me wanting more. I want it all and my lover tells my I can have it all.

I feel that there is something more. I keep taking and taking. I never find what it is that I am searching for. I do not even know what I am looking for. I just want more. Sin fills every caveat of my life. I feel nothing but desire for more. I am jealous, angry and empty. My lover no longer finds favor with me for I have become what he has made of me. I am filled with bitterness and nothingness. He leaves me for another. There has to be something more. My lover and seducer promised me so. "Take it if you want it, it is yours."

My body slumps against the wall. I fall to the ground. Despair fills every crevasse of my soul. I feel the demons attacking me, biting at me, wanting their part of my soul. For I have had the devil as my lover, now he demands my soul as his. I don't fight back. I let the demons steal my heart and I grow numb as the devil exacts his price upon my soul. My mind is weak and I succumb to the nightmarish hell that is my life. My lover and seducer has reduced me to this.

He calls my name. I want Him to stop. I am safe in my numbness and despair. I do not want to find my way out of this fog. He calls again. I move further into my unfeelingness, wanting Him to leave me alone. Does He not know I want to be left alone. Despair is a comfortable companion. It doesn't demand anything of me, simply keeps me right where I am at. I never have to move again. He calls me again. He whispers my name in my ear, I feel His breath on my neck. He is so near. I am paralyzed with fear. He whispers to me "Be not afraid, I go before you always."

I open my eyes only to be blinded by the pure light of His love. He raises my face to His and He gazes into my eyes. I can not hold His gaze. His eyes see right through my lies, the games I play and the sinner that I am. I am ashamed. And yet, He holds me close to His heart. He holds a failure, a nobody, a lover of the world close to His heart. His saving grace embraces me. I feel His love. For the first time in my life, I feel real love. An everlasting love. A love that exacts no price upon me. I know "I am His."

He knows my heart and forgives me of my every sin and makes me new again. I give my life to Him and my soul is His. I have a new lover. He is a gentle lover. He does not lead me astray. He is with me always. He gently holds my hand when I am strong. He catches me when I fall and He carries me when I am weak. He rejoices in my happiness. When I am vulnerable or when my past haunts me and the demons are at my door, He holds me tight against his breast and loving heart and He covers me with His saving blood.

I know not where my path leads me. I can not see more than one or two steps ahead of me. I do not fear, for I know He leads me. He will not betray me. He will not forsake me for another. His love is great.

I feel His love everywhere. I see His beauty in everything I see. More and more each day I live my life the way He asks me to. He rewards me more than I can imagine. His love and grace is endless. I walk with Him and sit beside Him surveying the beauty of His world. I look at Him and smile. He looks at me and asks "Who are you?" I am taken aback. How does He not know who I am. My lover questions who I am. My heart is broken. With tears falling from my eyes, I whisper "I am Yours." He smiles a beautiful, gently loving smile and replies, "Yes, you are Mine, a child of God."

He touches my face and wipes my tears away. I hold His gaze. I am no longer ashamed to look into His eyes. I jump up, my heart is filled with joy. I shout "I am a child of God. I have been emptied out, made clean and made beautiful again. I am a child of God and the Lord is my saviour and lover. I begin to dance, the wind lifts my hair and the sun shines upon me. I dance to the Lord and He smiles and laughs with joy. I know I am His great delight and His joy and love reigns within my heart and soul.

I know now,
Who I am.
I am a child of God, not a child of this world.
That is who I am!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Todays readings

Read this first.
http://prepareformass.wordpress.com/2009/11/02/thirty-second-sunday-in-ordinary-time/

All I need to say is that there is nothing that we can give the Lord that will ever match what He has given to us. For, everything we have has been given to us from Him. Everything!!! There is nothing you have that did not come from God. We hold back not wanting to fully give. We do this not just with money, but with our time, with our hearts in relationships, and with the gifts we share with the Church. May the Lord make you poor in spirit and you give of your poverty. God has given you everything you have with what little you have given Him. Imagine what you will receive when you give from your poverty, not your surplus.

Peace of the Lord be with you all,
Agape
Abigail