Christ is risen from the dead. There is hope again.

I was awoken this morning to a phone call that my brother in law passed away. He did not die of natural causes. He was successful in his attempt at suicide. At first, I was completely shocked. Grief overtook me. Like most people, I cried. Overwhelmed by sorrow for his wife, his two teenaged daughters, his mother and father, his brother and sisters and everybody who may have known him. An unnecessary loss of life. And then, I became angry.

I was angry because I would have to break this news to my children. How dare he. My children do not need to be exposed to this aspect of life, not yet! Angry that he was selfish and left his daughters to grieve his loss and no longer have a father. Angry that his wife was left alone, with two grieving daughters and left to pick up the pieces he left behind. Angry that his parents were suffering their unnecessary loss. Angry! Angry! He didn't solve anything by dying. He just didn't have to deal with it any more. He left the living to deal with his death and the remainder of his life which didn't end with his death. Angry!!!!! Suicide fixes nothing!

I will be quite honest, I hate death. I know that with life comes death. It is a never ending cycle. We all must die. I hate the loss or void which is left. As a nurse, I deal with death on a fairly regular basis. It doesn't get any easier the more you deal with it. It is a loss no matter if it is expected or not. Sometimes death comes quietly and peacefully. Sometimes it is violent, emotional and exhausting. Sometimes it is unexpected. No matter what, it is final. Those left behind have a void in their life. A rift which will have to heal.

I want to say my brother in law went to heaven. I don't know. I know he believed that there was a God, but that is where his spiritual life ended. He didn't attend a church and he didn't pray, that I am aware of. I know he suffered with depression and self medicated with alcohol. I know suicide is murder of one's own soul. A mortal sin. My son's want to know if their uncle went to Heaven. The best answer I can give them is hopefully before he died he made all things right with God. God offers us salvation up until the moment of death. I offered condolences to my sons and we offered up prayers for the repose of his soul.

My eldest son is angry that God took his uncle away. We discussed how God lost his one and only Son. God was angry! He darkened the skies for three hours after the death of His son. The skies opened up. He wept! God knows the suffering we experience. God gave his Son to us as hope, as a saviour from eternal death and we know that know matter how dark in despair we are, there is hope. God is hope. Christ is Hope. The Holy Spirit is hope. We are to lay our worries and anxieties at the feet of Christ and offer them up to Him. (I wish my brother in law had done this.) Christ will take them from us and ease our burden, but we must turn to Christ, first. Christ will give us rest. We must heed His call and follow. Living "of this world" leads to despair. It takes us away from Christ and places fears in our mind and we are overwhelmed. It is Satan at his best. The Holy Trinity is the only solution.

As my sons and I move through the stages of grief we also move to the rhythm of God's love. I pray that the rest of the family will turn to God and allow him to take their grief and move to the rhythm's of His Grace and allow healing and love to exist.

Christ is risen from the dead. He trampled over eternal death with His death. Death and Hell have lost their victory. He paid the price for humanity so that we do not have to suffer. But only through Christ can we be relieved of our sufferings. Hope! Hope springs eternal. Eternal is the Father's love for us. His love is intoxicating, greater than any drug or alcohol.

For those who despair, give Christ your sorrows, anxieties and failures. He will take them. He wants them. He wants to take you into His arms and hold you and love you. All you have to do is turn to Him and allow Him to work His grace in your life. I wonder how different today would be if my brother in law had done just that. How different his life and his families life would be. Despair and suicide are not solutions. God is.

Amen and Agape,

Peace be to all,

Abigail

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

One thing that I feel I never obtain enough of, is rest. I work 40+ hours a week. Some of those hours are done during the middle of the night. I rear three boys, alone, and those three boys are home schooled by me. So, sleep or rest, is something that is at a premium for me. Yet, when I think I can not go another moment without completely collapsing from exhaustion, I remember that Christ always offers rest to the weary. I only have to remember that Christ will always give rest to the weary if only I ask. Many times, I forget to ask for help or to ask for rest. It is a flaw of mine which I work diligently to change. It is so simple, yet, so difficult. It requires humility to recognize I need rest. A respite from this world which can be obtained from prayer. A simple prayer and recognizing Christ is in charge. It is a relief. I find rest in the arms of Christ, when I am at my weakest and most fatigued. I am not alone in this world, despite what I may think.

So, I want to offer to every one; rest. Rest which is not obtained from sleep, but rest from our anxieties, disappointments or whatever fatigues our soul. Those of us who have accepted Christ as our Lord and Saviour have found rest in Jesus. Those who have not, can receive rest if they come to Him. He promises to give rest to the weary. Let us gladly accept what He desires to freely give us. Jesus wants to give us rest. He died on the cross for our salvation and our sins. Why would he not want to provide you with rest?

You do not need to buy, beg, borrow or steal to obtain it. It is free. You can receive it as a gift from God. God's grace, a gift from heaven, just for you! Jesus will set you free. He will set you free from the bonds which prevent you from rest. If you are burdened with sin, anxiety, sorrow... come to Him, He will give you rest. He carried the crushing weight of humanities sin so that you and I no longer have to carry it. Jesus gives us rest! Come to Jesus by praying to Him. Believe in God’s Word, the Gospel, and surrender yourself to Him.

If you come to Him, the respite He gives you will be Holy and eternal. He gives you rest which leads you to Him in heaven. He offers respite to all who call upon him. And best of all He gives it freely. So, call upon the Lord, if you are ready to rest.

May the peace of the Lord be with you,

Agape

Abigail

God in this world

God in this world. Today I want to explore one of my favorite things; Nature. I love Nature. Nothing makes me feel more at peace or closer to God than when I am out being a part of His glorious creation. I have a profound sense of how incredible God is and how perfect everything in His creation is.

I love to hike. As I wander through the forest, I see trees, flowers, birds... Each thing has it's purpose and is intermingled with all the other things. Birds need the trees for their nests, and twigs and leaves to make their nests. The trees need the birds to help spread the seeds. Everything is so perfectly tuned for survival. There is no way this is a random occurrence which occurred because of chance and coincidence.

I ponder the explanations given by science, how the universe was created because of a random chance which caused the "Big Bang" which then created this perfectly ordered universe. It is so far fetched to me. How can a random act create order? Randomness begets randomness? There is nothing to create order. Chaos does not become orderly because of a random occurrence. That is like me saying my children behave and have sense of morality because they just happened to think of it. They did not learn morality and etiquette because of chance, but because of persistence and an orderly process of education, religion and parenting. None of those things are random. Quite to the contrary, very deliberate and intentional.

The green leaves of the trees converting carbon dioxide to oxygen by using sunlight. Oxygen which I need to breathe. As I exhale I release carbon dioxide which is needed by the plants for conversion of sunlight to glucose. How perfect! An incredible symbiotic relationship that randomly occurred? Nitrogen in the soil binding to the microfilaments of roots and absorbed and converted to nutrition for the plant which is then consumed by the cow which absorbs the nitrogen and stores it in the blood and flesh which I then consume as a juicy rare steak. I absorb the nitrogen and utilize it as an essential mineral necessary for my health. All random?

Why is it that we all love the beauty of nature. For those of us who live in the cities and do not get out into nature much, we yearn for it. Why? Whether or not we acknowledge God as our creator, our souls do. Our souls recognize the beauty of creation and our creator, God.

I climb to the peak of the mountain and I survey the valleys, lakes and other mountain peaks. Sometimes I can see as far as another state if the view is clear enough. I am belittled at how all things are intermingled and intertwined and can not exist without eachother. The grass cling to the rocks and with water, sunlight and time the rock becomes soil which is utilized by the larger plants and the cycle continues until we have beautiful meadows filled with trees. The snow melts and becomes water, which is filtered and purified as it trickles through the rocks, making it so clean we can drink it. The water provides an environment for fish, which I then catch and eat. Nature is bountiful. God's love is bountiful. He created this universe in which our planet exists.

He created this incredible Earth which provides us with everything we could desire or need. His abundance and love for humanity is abundant. We as humanity have a duty to be stewards to this Earth. It is so upsetting when I see exploitation of the Earth. Food can be farmed and restoration of the soil can occur at the same time. Animal husbandry can occur while maintaining a humane environment for the animal. We can mine for gold, silver, copper... and still restore to the earth what we have taken away. If we do all things for financial profit only, the Earth (God) will not continue to give to humanity. Resources will be depleted. God has provided us with this Earth and He will continue to provide us with all the resources we need, as long as we are good stewards of this Earth. One must balance profit with conservation. Never has it been more apparent than it is now. We are struggling with an Earth that is being exploited for profit, for personal gain and very little conservation is occurring. Humans can exist with this Earth and we can continue to reap from the Earth whatever resources we need, but we must restore and conserve them. Otherwise, the Earth will not continue to supply us with our needs.

God's desire to have a relationship with us is evident. He provides for us, and has created this incredible Earth for us. It does not take very much extra effort on our part to show God how much we appreciate this Earth and demonstrate our appreciation with stewardship.

Peace of the Lord be with you,

Agape

Abigail

Gallup, NM

Earlier today, my Aunt posted some pictures from her train ride from L.A. to Michigan. She posted pictures of NM and I instantly recognized the area. It reminded me of just last year when I was on assignment in Gallup, NM.

This is an interesting little town. Definitely caught between two cultures and eras. Gallup, NM is in the northwest corner of NM, about 10 miles from the Arizona state line along I-40. The Navajo Nation lies against the northern city limits of the city and the Zuni Nation is about 20 miles southwest of town. Gallup was founded as a railroad community and was named after the paymaster for the railroad. The railroad is still a major function of this town.

When we arrived it appeared as many other southwestern towns, poor, rundown and desperately trying to pull on the tourism industry. Other than the railroad, I couldn't discern what industry was driving the economy here.

My boys quickly fell in love with this town. Despite it's meager appearance, it had so much culture to offer. This town is definitely stuck in the early 1900's when the railroad was important for trade. There are many Indian trade stores along the main street. We had much enjoyment perusing these stores. Every night during the summer in the Town Square (which was only 2 blocks from where we were staying) there were Indian dances. The dancers would dance, discussions of the meaning of the dances would be embedded in the dances. Indian musicians would play the drums and flutes. This was a highlight of our day. We would make every effort to attend the dances. It was amazing how the whole town and tourists would surround this square for one hour and cultures would mingle harmoniously. Definitely God working His magic!

My one son reminisces about how we could, and would, walk everywhere. It is definitely a walking community. Everyone walks everywhere. It is a small city and many places were easier to walk to than drive. My boys would walk up to the hospital and visit me for lunch or come at the end of the shift and we would drive home together. We walked to Mass at the Cathedral on Sunday mornings. We walked to the library, store, you name it, we walked there.

One of the places we would routinely walk to was to the train tracks. We would sit on the wall and watch the trains come through. We would count how many cars were being pulled. Some trains would come through town traveling fast, others slow. We would see Amtrak and the boys would beg me take them on a train ride. We would watch the light signals and wager which track the train would be on. I even laid a couple of quarters and pennies on the track and we watched the trains run over the coins. After the train passed we would go pick up the coins and it was amazing how the coins would be pressed, distorted and smooth. We enjoyed sitting and watching the trains. It was simple entertainment, and great family bonding time. We would wander our way back to the house. Sometimes stopping for ice cream or a soda.

Culturally, things were very different. The population of the town is roughly 1/3 European, 1/3 hispanic and 1/3 American Indian. The architecture, and art was Indian and southwestern. Alcoholism was very predominant and it was not unusual to see drunk persons wandering the streets during the day, evening or night. The American Indians are very friendly, spiritual people. They see beauty everywhere and I always loved to hear them talk about nature and their relationship with nature.

Mother Earth, the female rains, the desert bride and other endearments they gave to the land, weather, seasons and geography. I think it is something that most of us Americans have lost. We do not look out our windows and see the geography around us and consider it our "Mother." That like a mother, it nurtures, feeds, shelters and loves us. If we did, we wouldn't be so willing to plumage and pillage the Earth. I was always very envious of the Indians when they would speak of nature. Their eyes would become distant and dreamy as they spoke of the world around them. They have a spirituality and depth of love for this Earth that I have never seen before. I understand why they have resentment and anger towards the Europeans who settled their land and didn't understand the strong connection to the Earth that they have.

The terrain and geography of the southwest is amazing. We went to several National Monuments and National parks, such as Chaco Canyon, El Morro, Canyon De Chelley, Fire and Ice, Mesa Verde...

Annually in Gallup, is the Inter Tribal Ceremony. We were able to go and watch the dances and peruse the vendors. We saw Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend who happened to be driving through town and stopped to attend the Ceremony. We drove out to Window Rock, AZ (The Capital of the Navajo Nation) on National Code Talker day. There was a celebration and dances at the Window Rock (A sacred rock formation with a window in it) honoring the Navajo Code Talkers who served in WWII and were quite possibly the reason we won the War of the Pacific.

I also learned how the American Indians live in third world conditions. I was appalled at how the United States has this dirty little secret. We are so concerned about the third world countries and the poverty they experience and yet, right here within our own borders we have millions of people who live without running water, no electricity, cook over a wood fire, and use outhouses. I was amazed. We wouldn't tolerate this kind of poverty and neglect in any city.

Here in the wealthiest nation we have a subculture who we just sweep under the rug. They are out on the reservations, so what the heck? They are governed by tribal laws, yet local, state and federal governments impede any kind of progress which allows these persons to have these basic amenities. I still do not understand how and why these people allow this to happen to them. Other than they have been so mistreated by the Europeans (Americans) who settled this land and made them walk the "Trail of Tears" to these reservations and here they remain, attempting to remain "Persons of the Earth" while struggling to be an American and live as a western society.

They are a simple, peaceful, spiritual people. We have never incorporated them into our society. We put them out on the reservations and have essentially forgotten about them. Their culture is strong and it thrives despite what the rest of the United States does. When ever I hear an African American or Hispanic American speak of how mistreated they are in American society, I am angered. These ethnic groups do not face the challenges the American Indians do.

I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to work amongst these people and serve them providing them with healthcare. These people gave more to me, culturally, spiritually and respectfully than I ever could give them in a lifetime. The beautiful land and the beautiful people of the Navajo and Zuni Nations who taught me about my nations history, culture and most of all about humanity. God bless them all.

Agape,

Abigail