Christ is risen from the dead. There is hope again.

I was awoken this morning to a phone call that my brother in law passed away. He did not die of natural causes. He was successful in his attempt at suicide. At first, I was completely shocked. Grief overtook me. Like most people, I cried. Overwhelmed by sorrow for his wife, his two teenaged daughters, his mother and father, his brother and sisters and everybody who may have known him. An unnecessary loss of life. And then, I became angry.

I was angry because I would have to break this news to my children. How dare he. My children do not need to be exposed to this aspect of life, not yet! Angry that he was selfish and left his daughters to grieve his loss and no longer have a father. Angry that his wife was left alone, with two grieving daughters and left to pick up the pieces he left behind. Angry that his parents were suffering their unnecessary loss. Angry! Angry! He didn't solve anything by dying. He just didn't have to deal with it any more. He left the living to deal with his death and the remainder of his life which didn't end with his death. Angry!!!!! Suicide fixes nothing!

I will be quite honest, I hate death. I know that with life comes death. It is a never ending cycle. We all must die. I hate the loss or void which is left. As a nurse, I deal with death on a fairly regular basis. It doesn't get any easier the more you deal with it. It is a loss no matter if it is expected or not. Sometimes death comes quietly and peacefully. Sometimes it is violent, emotional and exhausting. Sometimes it is unexpected. No matter what, it is final. Those left behind have a void in their life. A rift which will have to heal.

I want to say my brother in law went to heaven. I don't know. I know he believed that there was a God, but that is where his spiritual life ended. He didn't attend a church and he didn't pray, that I am aware of. I know he suffered with depression and self medicated with alcohol. I know suicide is murder of one's own soul. A mortal sin. My son's want to know if their uncle went to Heaven. The best answer I can give them is hopefully before he died he made all things right with God. God offers us salvation up until the moment of death. I offered condolences to my sons and we offered up prayers for the repose of his soul.

My eldest son is angry that God took his uncle away. We discussed how God lost his one and only Son. God was angry! He darkened the skies for three hours after the death of His son. The skies opened up. He wept! God knows the suffering we experience. God gave his Son to us as hope, as a saviour from eternal death and we know that know matter how dark in despair we are, there is hope. God is hope. Christ is Hope. The Holy Spirit is hope. We are to lay our worries and anxieties at the feet of Christ and offer them up to Him. (I wish my brother in law had done this.) Christ will take them from us and ease our burden, but we must turn to Christ, first. Christ will give us rest. We must heed His call and follow. Living "of this world" leads to despair. It takes us away from Christ and places fears in our mind and we are overwhelmed. It is Satan at his best. The Holy Trinity is the only solution.

As my sons and I move through the stages of grief we also move to the rhythm of God's love. I pray that the rest of the family will turn to God and allow him to take their grief and move to the rhythm's of His Grace and allow healing and love to exist.

Christ is risen from the dead. He trampled over eternal death with His death. Death and Hell have lost their victory. He paid the price for humanity so that we do not have to suffer. But only through Christ can we be relieved of our sufferings. Hope! Hope springs eternal. Eternal is the Father's love for us. His love is intoxicating, greater than any drug or alcohol.

For those who despair, give Christ your sorrows, anxieties and failures. He will take them. He wants them. He wants to take you into His arms and hold you and love you. All you have to do is turn to Him and allow Him to work His grace in your life. I wonder how different today would be if my brother in law had done just that. How different his life and his families life would be. Despair and suicide are not solutions. God is.

Amen and Agape,

Peace be to all,

Abigail